Shock-Rock Horror

It’s October, and at the end of October is Halloween. So, in the grand tradition of tenuously linking articles to the month in which you’re probably reading them, here’s John Kerrison’s guide to the four scariest characters in music…

INSANE CLOWN POSSE

A lot of people find clowns frightening. Personally I fi nd adults who don make-up and bright outfits for the express purpose of capturing the attention of children at birthday parties nothing short of charming. Insane Clown Posse, however, are not charming, as illustrated by this line from the evocatively titled ‘Night Of The
Chainsaw’: “I love it when the blood squirt on me.” – Utterly terrifying, for anyone fond of grammar.

SHARON OSBOURNE

Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a bat, which is exactly the kind of act that could possibly be an indicator of actual, bona-fide evil. When The Osbournes came to TV in 2002, however, the public learnt that the so called “Prince Of Darkness” was an actually rather nice, albeit above averagely addled, Brummie who had a habit of falling over things, shouting at technology, and wearing an expression that mumbledrather- than-screamed ‘Why me? Where am I? How did I get here? And why are these people always shouting?’ His wife however seems like she’d tear your bollocks off if you held a door open for her.

MARILYN MANSON

It’s a well-documented fact that Marilyn Manson is responsible for every negative thing that has happened to the youth of America over the last three decades. High school shootings, satanic rituals, body piercings and a general malaise, are just some of the things the androgynous rock star has infl icted on Generation-X, simply by painting his nails and wearing funny contact lenses. An impressive feat, but apparently this is just how things work in the States. I talked to one parent that told me every time Lady Gaga has a costume change a teenager unwittingly smokes a cigarette and gets six abortions. Clothes, eh? Who knew?

PHIL SPECTOR

There are myriad ways in which gun-toting, sonic-fetishist Phil Spector is a terrifying man. Firstly, etymology tells us his name has horrific connotations – ‘Spector’ being derivative of the word ‘spectre’, and ‘Phil’
being a prefix meaning ‘love’ or ‘attraction’. Therefore, the irrefutable double-header of logic and science dictate that Phil Spector is a rampant ghost-shagger. You could also sight the fact that he (allegedly) used to hold women at gunpoint in his home and is (definitely) currently serving a prison sentence for shooting one of them until they died from being killed by it. To me that’s not such a big deal. I’ve done two murders since I started this paragraph, but his appearance alone is enough to chill to the bone. Spector looks like he fell out of Tim Burton’s subconscious as an evil master of disguise whose disguises are all based on children’s sketches
of the jowly crypt-keeper they imagine might live in their closet.